Even when you are standing 3 feet away from someone, there are numerous sources of interference which can prevent the message you wish to convey being received with the same meaning by the person you are talking to. For example:
1. Your ability to express yourself, including the choice of words as well as speed and tone of voice.
2. Their ability both to hear and to listen.
3. Their level of comprehension of the words and concepts you use.
4. Their feelings, about you, about the subject and about themselves and life generally.
5. Their attitude towards you, the subject, themselves and the world generally.
With two-way communicating of course the number of barriers is doubled because you each have to get through these layers of potential interference to reach the other. To understand and find ways through the barriers are vital to staff development because clear two-way communication is not only the foundations of a good working relationship, it is the key to all the other means of development-giving and receiving feedback, coaching, instructing, counseling and appraising. Good management depend on effective transaction between people, and within our own team it is often the verbal ones that are the most important.
Feelings and attitudes are difficult barriers to overcome, but if we understand them and put ourselves in the other person's place, the messages we send have a good chance of being understood in the way we want them to be.
A researcher called E. Berne invented a simple framework for analyzing personal transaction which helps us to recognize the frame of reference from which we are speaking and from which the other person is receiving, and explains why communications so often get crossed. He called it Trans-factional Analysis, and the concept was so well revived that his book, Games People Play, became a bestseller.
Berne recognized that people's behavior can change from one situation to another. We can be playful at times, aloof or bossy at other times. Someone who throws his weight around at work may be a cuddly puppy at home. Sometimes our response depends on whom we are with, or how they have approached us, or it may be simply the state of mind we are in at the time.
Such changes in mood are indicated by what we say to people, and especially how we say it, tone of voice, facial expressions and other non verbal gestures. Berne identified a pattern in these states of mind, or ego states as he called them. He believed there are three basic ego states, each with their characteristic behavior, which we move in to and out of in response to what is going on around us. He described them as follows:
1. Parent.
This ego state reflects the actions and values of our parents and their behavior towards us throughout our lives, including attitudes to right and wrong. We learn the words and actions of being parental from watching our parents, including the authoritarian expressions such as "Don't", frowning and ginger-pointing of the critical parent, as well as expressions of concern such as "It'll be all right", soothing tones and comforting physical contact of the caring parent.
2. Child.
In the child ego state we experience the feelings and emotions of our childhood. As with the parent state, where are two variants, First, there is the free child - unrestrained, fun-loving, emotional, creative. In this state we can giggle, tease, day-dream, and throw tantrums. Second, there is the adapted child - conditioned by parental control to manipulate in order to gain reward or avoid punishment. In this state we express dependency ("You do it for me"), fear, appealing to others, and uncritical compliance.
3. Adult.
The characteristics of the adult ego state are associated with the learning we achieve when we grow up, and include the use of rational thought and factual analysis in problem solving and other transactions. It is the state in which we learn and practice new skills, and develop out own aptitudes and abilities. It is therefore a particularly important ego state to recognize, use and encourage during staff development activities.
1. Your ability to express yourself, including the choice of words as well as speed and tone of voice.
2. Their ability both to hear and to listen.
3. Their level of comprehension of the words and concepts you use.
4. Their feelings, about you, about the subject and about themselves and life generally.
5. Their attitude towards you, the subject, themselves and the world generally.
With two-way communicating of course the number of barriers is doubled because you each have to get through these layers of potential interference to reach the other. To understand and find ways through the barriers are vital to staff development because clear two-way communication is not only the foundations of a good working relationship, it is the key to all the other means of development-giving and receiving feedback, coaching, instructing, counseling and appraising. Good management depend on effective transaction between people, and within our own team it is often the verbal ones that are the most important.
Feelings and attitudes are difficult barriers to overcome, but if we understand them and put ourselves in the other person's place, the messages we send have a good chance of being understood in the way we want them to be.
A researcher called E. Berne invented a simple framework for analyzing personal transaction which helps us to recognize the frame of reference from which we are speaking and from which the other person is receiving, and explains why communications so often get crossed. He called it Trans-factional Analysis, and the concept was so well revived that his book, Games People Play, became a bestseller.
Berne recognized that people's behavior can change from one situation to another. We can be playful at times, aloof or bossy at other times. Someone who throws his weight around at work may be a cuddly puppy at home. Sometimes our response depends on whom we are with, or how they have approached us, or it may be simply the state of mind we are in at the time.
Such changes in mood are indicated by what we say to people, and especially how we say it, tone of voice, facial expressions and other non verbal gestures. Berne identified a pattern in these states of mind, or ego states as he called them. He believed there are three basic ego states, each with their characteristic behavior, which we move in to and out of in response to what is going on around us. He described them as follows:
1. Parent.
This ego state reflects the actions and values of our parents and their behavior towards us throughout our lives, including attitudes to right and wrong. We learn the words and actions of being parental from watching our parents, including the authoritarian expressions such as "Don't", frowning and ginger-pointing of the critical parent, as well as expressions of concern such as "It'll be all right", soothing tones and comforting physical contact of the caring parent.
2. Child.
In the child ego state we experience the feelings and emotions of our childhood. As with the parent state, where are two variants, First, there is the free child - unrestrained, fun-loving, emotional, creative. In this state we can giggle, tease, day-dream, and throw tantrums. Second, there is the adapted child - conditioned by parental control to manipulate in order to gain reward or avoid punishment. In this state we express dependency ("You do it for me"), fear, appealing to others, and uncritical compliance.
3. Adult.
The characteristics of the adult ego state are associated with the learning we achieve when we grow up, and include the use of rational thought and factual analysis in problem solving and other transactions. It is the state in which we learn and practice new skills, and develop out own aptitudes and abilities. It is therefore a particularly important ego state to recognize, use and encourage during staff development activities.
